I am a girl and I love my blog. My blog has gone through years with me, all the happiness and sadness. I am trying to change the style of my blog to share happier moments. I will be sharing food, travel and different places.

i shown catherine a rather scary side of me.
i am really mean towards OG4, my orientation group for my second J1.
i mean i don't know is it because i always feel that people have motive.
i don't used to be like that but retaining really changed me.

i notice so clearly how friends stay or leave.
staying in jc for 2 years let me see how lack of determination some people can be.
i know people always wonder why i pushed myself because i witness how people look down at you.
they know nothing about me but they can look down at me.
then how can i let myself being looked down again.
i don't wanna fail! i know i am not good enough but i must push myself to the max.

dad say we should always look at ourself and not keep critising people.
i really must learn to do that.
retaining showed me how ugly people can get.

ok og4 is going to have a chalet.
it's britannia who called me about the chalet.
when she called me i was on eric friend's car and i was so shocked that i couldn't reject.
i have no intention to go at all.
it just occur to me that they wanted to share cost, we had never been close to the og but why call us? it's so weird... and britannia is not really close to the og too. the thing that strike my mind is that her mum is a civil servants and they "used" her for the chalet.
eric ask me not to think this way, maybe they really truely wanted a gathering.
but that's me.

time slipped and past
people come and go
some people stayed but how few?
why spend so much effort trying to hold on to something that is so frail and fragile.
an og
a group of people you spend a week with whom you might never meet again.
in the past i may go at once to be a popular queen but i no longer wanted that.
i only want to be with friends.

i am not mean, i just no longer beautified things.
something are just not as nice as they seems.
if i have the time and effort i will spend them on people i love.

i know who are my good friends, they open their heart for me.
they cared about me.
i know i can feel.
not those og people...
they have their own good friends too but why keep stringing up all the people when you know they would go apart anyway.

childish. navie.

like to dreams perhaps. but i really don't wish to dream and make me feel sad.

i shared with her my thoughts because i don't wish that she will believe in the false sense of friendship.
i forget that she has her own freedom to think andchoose.
maybe i should go to the bbq with her to support.
i will leave within an hour.
it's against my heart.

i like yi wei i like joey.
there is jason.
go to a thing which i don't like to show politeness to 4 people who had cared about me?
maybe i should right?

sighs