I am a girl and I love my blog. My blog has gone through years with me, all the happiness and sadness. I am trying to change the style of my blog to share happier moments. I will be sharing food, travel and different places.

i.....
(i stun at here for one minute, haha)
met someone...

an adult....
a guy la to be specific...
i am not trying to expose my social life...
i just want to unload something that is very heavy inside of me...

as usual...
i tell him straight away that i am not interested in relationship...
he is most realistic guy i have ever met! he immediately stop contacting.
then thick skinned me went to pester him... haha.
is it because he is very good looking? or i'm just desperate and lonely?
or am i just plainly bu fu qi that he ask me to introduce my friend to him??

i am really very pissed that he ask me to introduce my friends to him
when i say i'm not interested...
like.... argh...
and he is the second person!!!
do i look like cupid lately???!!!
if you're reading this please don't ask the girl whom rejected you to recommend her friends...
it's really a very bad feelings...

continue with my story...
then i want to si chan lan da to continue to chat with him.
so i tell him that he cannot blame me for being so frank i'm just trying to protect myself.
then i started saying things like...
what if he don't want me? (i am not pretty. not skinny. not curvy. not mature. not everything...)
and i just have a terrible relationship not long ago...
so i started to tell him all about my past relatio...
how i suffer with a bf who is working and my studies become terrible......
how i get cheated stupidly......

actually i'm very sad...
maybe the inside of me is always hurting me...
i just try to act like it doesn't...
try to act like i don't mind about that stupid realtionship!
TRY TO ACT LIKE I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT HE DO!
HOW HE IMMEDIATELY ASK ANOTHER GIRL OUT AFTER ME!!!!
HOW HE GO OUT OTHER GIRLS WHEN HE WAS WITH ME!!!!!

i am just useless..........................
stupid....................
thanks stranger for letting me see myself............................

i just always hide my unhappiness at one dark corner....
and try my best not care......................

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i wanna swim again.............................

i told some of my good friend that i have hao gan to a guy.
now, i don't think that hao gan is because i like him...
i think i just feel that he is a honest guy and would never cheat........
and i thought that feeling is like..........

maybe all my "i'm a lesbian" thing is just an act to mask the pathetic weak me.....

get over it soon!!!!!
there is still pw and my results is coming out!!!!

what should i do.........
so acutally i'm so proud that i always hide away weak side unconciously......
i am really hopeless..........
and until now i haven't get over with him!!!!!!!!!!!
is being xiao sa so hard???????????