I am a girl and I love my blog. My blog has gone through years with me, all the happiness and sadness. I am trying to change the style of my blog to share happier moments. I will be sharing food, travel and different places.

eric gave me the book and the wallet=)
i met up with 17/08 girls on 23rd dec.
it's chrystal, jane, cheryl, jing hui, shirlynn, yu zhi. =)
they gave me the body shop set. thanks.
look what xinpei xue ying and tang jie gave me today?
we met up today for meal! i brought them to eric's house.
thank you.
met up miraculously with ng mun and joey with eric on last sun. joey brought us to doulos the ship.
thank you, i really appreciate all my friends.

i just realise how unclear my previous post was.

tuition was extremely depressing.
i shall express everything clearly in order to lighten my load.

i have been teaching an girl ever since my birthday.
then last month her mum ask if i am willing to pick up another job to teach her younger daughter.
i accepted thinking that i would be able to pass on all my tuition to kai ling who is interested.

ling ling seems to be very eager to accept my tuition and i am unable to finish my homework so i decided to terminate my tuition early.
when i only teach her younger daughter less than a month.

she got very unhappy which is equivalent to angry so she wanted to stop my tuition immediately.
i didn't even finish a month of tuition.
after pondering for sometimes, i realise that it's my fault.
because initially she hire a jc student is because she wanted someone cheap to prevent her elder daughter from failing.
but by accepting her younger daughter shows that i will be able to commit in long term.
i realise that i am at fault because i didn't make myself clear.
i apologise and she sms me to tell me how unhappy she was and what she was unhappy about. (in a not very nice tone though)
she said that it was not scolding. (fine)

then she gave a date to collect my pay. which is today.
so i went down but there is no one at home.
instinct told me that she toyed me.
i still believe that it's the truth, despite her many "reasons" to cover up.
so eric and i left the girl's assessment books and went off.
we sms her to transfer the amount to my account instead.

we went at 11, then at around 5 we went to check my account but there is no money in.
i really don't wanna talk to her so eric helped me to call her. ( it's my fault to be a coward)
so she quarrel with eric and says she will suck 50% off my pay on her younger daughter because tuition agency do that.
then hung up and call me instead because i am too weak and tired to fight with her.
she raised her voice and reasoned, she said "I AM VERY UNHAPPY"
isn't that scolding?!
ARGH!!!!!

WTF!!!!!!!!
WHY AM I SO DAMN USELESS!!!!!!!
BECAUSE I WANT BACK MY 200 DOLLARS?!
MY PATHETIC 200?!

SO I LET HER SCOLD ME .
PUSHED ALL THE BLAME TO ME.
SUCKED AWAY MY 67.50 WHICH I EARN.
MY RIGHTFUL MONEY...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UNFAIR!
YES I AM WONG!
BUT IT TAKES TWO HANDS TO CLAP! IF SHE IS CALM ENOUGH AND BE MORE RESPONSIBLE AND LESS CHILDISH, THINGS WON'T TURN UGLY.
if she didn't try to toy me and give me an exact time and be stingy...
how do you find a good tutor with 15?
it's just not the rate...
grow up auntie.
this rate is for jc and poly students who just aren't that free to commit long term.

why didn't i tell her that?
because i am useless!
BECAUSE I CAN GIVE UP PRIDE FOR MONEY?!
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO LOSE THE 200 TOO...

to be mean back.
she is a coward too.
she took a cab to my house thinking that she was right in every way.
juvenile lao auntie
(SHE EVEN TOLD ME THAT HER FAMILY HAVE A LOT OF DOCTORATE)
but i am not in home so she have to pass the sum to my mum.
she don't even dare to alight from the cab to reason!

STUPID LAO AUNTIE WHO ONLY DARE TO BULLY XIAO HAI ZI! STINGY! CHILDISH! JUVENILE! HOW WILL HER DAUGHTERS THINK TO HAVE A MOTHER LIKE THAT?!

I HATE MYSELF FOR GIVING IN TO THIS OLD WITCH WHO DESTROY MY FIRST EXPERIENCE WITH TUITION!!!!

I MUST FORGET HER! AND DO MY HOMEWORK! MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE!
I HOPE I NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN! ALL THE FUCK TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY BITCH!

thank you friends.
i won't act like a child to demand attention again.

i finally manage to finish my potter book.
it's nice=)
at least i manage to read and finish a book in the past three years?

i should really give more time to my hobbies!

tuition was becoming worst.
i requested to end and now i am receiving sms from their mums about how irresposible i am...
it kinda affect me because i am emotional.
i just didn't think properly.

now his is a warning, do not take tuition if are emotional and want it to be short term.
i just don't have time for it and i should stop being upset about it.
she wants me to collect my pay on sat, she is only at home on sat, so i must get scolded.
i just didn't realise that thing is becoming like this...
eric says i should have made myself from the start but i just realise that she didn't made herself clear too.
but i am at fault most.
i know.
it takes two hands to clap and i just smack the other hand.

just hope that i didn't affect ling ling because she wanted to take over the tuition at first.

there's nothing i can do but ignore it, treat it as a lesson learnt.
i have more important things than that.

my life seems to revolve around my school and eric only.
if there is no eric, i won't even have a person to share about my life.
yes, there is friends.
new friends are not as close as old friends and new friends have their own close old friends.
maybe my awkward situation cause me to have only eric.
maybe i am too passive? i should keep asking my friends out?
but they seems to have their own life.
that's so impentrable.

maybe maybe... i should just focus on my homework and studies and then treat going out with eric as a form of relaxation.
then i won't feel that my life is so lack of people and i am pathetic.
there are much more people who are pitiful and unfortunate.

sometimes things seems one sided.
i didn't meet up with xinpei and xue ying, due to some circumstances which i don't even know.

my blog seems to be so deserted.
eric seems to be the only one reading it.
i finally understand why people want to give up on blog.
faith will die too?

i must stop grumbling, because i have eric?
maybe i should, i won't make me or anyone happier.
find something happier to do.

i went to some service learning.
it's compulsory and it's for harmoc.
i met a girl who i like=)
i met many children as i do volunteer work but i seem to be able to see them again.

it ended. the venue was at children aid society beside ngee ann poly.
i see many of my harmoc friends went to meet their np friends.
why didn't i?
i just feel that i will be rejected and i don't like that feeling.
( i sound like a kid )
i keep asking people to not to lose faith but i think i have long lost it.

if i have no faith.
how do i hope?
what is there to live?

argh! shuang! must study!
kick off those stupid thinking!
you must clear your homework!!! and score well in a level in next year!

so i should just ignore every other thing in my life?
but i am not happy at all.
not a tiny bit.
in fact i am feelin so sad recently.
maybe it's because i am having my pms.

i just don't seem to fit in.
it's my fault right?
and i must force myself to ignore that point and keep studying.
that's the right thing right?
my life don't seem right.

stop!!!!!!!!!!

study!

i shall sleep early=)
there's harmoc tomorrow.
there's tuition on tuesday=)
there's harmoc on wednesday again.
there is tuition on thursday i think.
there's harmoc again on friday.
how nice...

i will meet xinpei and xue ying tomorrow!
thank you xue ying.
i know you tried hard. love you!

i shown catherine a rather scary side of me.
i am really mean towards OG4, my orientation group for my second J1.
i mean i don't know is it because i always feel that people have motive.
i don't used to be like that but retaining really changed me.

i notice so clearly how friends stay or leave.
staying in jc for 2 years let me see how lack of determination some people can be.
i know people always wonder why i pushed myself because i witness how people look down at you.
they know nothing about me but they can look down at me.
then how can i let myself being looked down again.
i don't wanna fail! i know i am not good enough but i must push myself to the max.

dad say we should always look at ourself and not keep critising people.
i really must learn to do that.
retaining showed me how ugly people can get.

ok og4 is going to have a chalet.
it's britannia who called me about the chalet.
when she called me i was on eric friend's car and i was so shocked that i couldn't reject.
i have no intention to go at all.
it just occur to me that they wanted to share cost, we had never been close to the og but why call us? it's so weird... and britannia is not really close to the og too. the thing that strike my mind is that her mum is a civil servants and they "used" her for the chalet.
eric ask me not to think this way, maybe they really truely wanted a gathering.
but that's me.

time slipped and past
people come and go
some people stayed but how few?
why spend so much effort trying to hold on to something that is so frail and fragile.
an og
a group of people you spend a week with whom you might never meet again.
in the past i may go at once to be a popular queen but i no longer wanted that.
i only want to be with friends.

i am not mean, i just no longer beautified things.
something are just not as nice as they seems.
if i have the time and effort i will spend them on people i love.

i know who are my good friends, they open their heart for me.
they cared about me.
i know i can feel.
not those og people...
they have their own good friends too but why keep stringing up all the people when you know they would go apart anyway.

childish. navie.

like to dreams perhaps. but i really don't wish to dream and make me feel sad.

i shared with her my thoughts because i don't wish that she will believe in the false sense of friendship.
i forget that she has her own freedom to think andchoose.
maybe i should go to the bbq with her to support.
i will leave within an hour.
it's against my heart.

i like yi wei i like joey.
there is jason.
go to a thing which i don't like to show politeness to 4 people who had cared about me?
maybe i should right?

sighs

I am so happy! i received the edusave bursary.
It has been 5 years since i received something!

After so many years i just foget all about the exsistence of it.
it's only until this year that i told my new classmates, can't remember is jiaxin or joey or yi wei that i wanna work hard because i want the edusave scholar!

at least i know that i am not far from that goal!
i must work harder towards it!!! go go go!

=)

ling ling got the bursary too =)
i am happy for you too!

it's always hard to iniciate a meet up because you feel that you really wanted it but the others are so reluctant. maybe this is an common excuse.

the tuition thing is another worry.
what shouold i do?
i must persevere through the holidays! remember your school fees! put in your hardwork to churn out the 10k! your universities! ok i have the motivation now.
i was thinking of passing my tuition to two people because it's very tedious to teach two people at a goal for 3h. it really is and it deprives them of their rights. what should i do?

quite sick recently. literally sick.
shall take care of my body more=)

slaking slackin.
watch anime and read harry potter! one month left! homework!!!!
better start working hard! looking forward to meet ups!