I am a girl and I love my blog. My blog has gone through years with me, all the happiness and sadness. I am trying to change the style of my blog to share happier moments. I will be sharing food, travel and different places.

I went out with yu zhi to search for a cage for my future hamster and in the end we went home empty handed.

It's alright. At leat i know causeway point pet shop cheat money, so i don't feel so bad about running away! =)

We ate at Lot one, I feel that the pet shop there don't cheat money. Maybe i will change my mind tomorrow. Yu Zhi made a smiley face! Thank you for your accompany.

A song recommended by Yu Zhi for me wo bu pa.

must really work hard!
i wasted my one whole year!
and i don't have one more year to waste.

maybe my mum don't trust me so much is becasue i am very irresponsible.
i must earn her trust not ask from her.

work hard ba...
focus and work hard.

i must know what went wrong and don't admit them again.
i start off too late think that i will be able to catch up which is wrong!
wrong!!!!
i thought everything is easy wrong again!!!!
focus focus focus
must listen at lecture!
IMPT!
must be anti social.
end.

ling ling was very shocked by my behaviour just now.
sorry.
i was very agitated...
becasue i guess you are most probably right at some point of time..
but i don't want to do what you said.
sorry...

yes i am going to retain.
the school arrange it.
i don't have other alternatives.
so it's like that.

i can choose my combination though.
first choice should be...
h2 maths h2 chem h2 cll h1 gsc
next...
h2 maths h2 chem h2 cll h1 econs (because this is a combination provided by the school)
this one should be the last one...
for security..
h2 maths h2 chem h2 physics h1 gsc

yep then cca is narrow to six choice
ODAC (very interested!!!) like very fun
Harmonicals (got yu zhi got jane got testimonials got time got save strenght)
dance (aw.. my passion..)
wu shu (got testi and like very active... yu zhi say don't suit me... then got rabbit don't know is good or bad points)
CLDDS (like very slack! but still got purpose)
guitar (like no life but got jing hui, xin yi and chrystal)

i made ling ling so angry today.
because i won't talk to my parents...
the thing is i am sick of trying to talk to them.
ling ling say hope will never die...
i guess mine really did.
i have tried a few times before they just don't accept the point of my view.
then be fine with you.
since you are not accepting my view and this is my life, you jolly well step out of my life.
there is nothing you can you and there is nothing i wanted you to do.
because i am just really sick of discussing with my life with you.
what you want is the best for me when you don't even try to understand the situation.
what you say is not the nicest most pleasant melody to ear when you din't bother to know check the ongoing.
so just don't care, you can't care.
everything i just too late, whether you admit or not.

sorry ling ling.
i know i am bad for not trying but i am sick of it already.
it just meant to be like this and i don't want to do anything to change it.

my head hurts my ear hurts.
wth
how long have i been waiting?
just how long more must i wait?
i nv get so impatient in my life
pw thing is really damn
why do i have to care for it?
because it is so damn important
more important than academics?
so i just have to wait for my live to be on track before i can lift my concentration from that stupid pw
op op op op op
damn the whole thing.

i really don't care
damn
i feel like tearing my face apart!

pain....
i only believe rachel who say that when you pierce it is not pain.
but after that it is pain.
so true!
it's like pain.......

i'm like so crazy lately.
but i sort of like it.
at least i don't spent all my time on viwawa , sleeping, eating or watching tv.

i did the piercing with ling ling.
she do it at the face there...
the section that is between the ear and the face..
yup.
crazy girl.

i really don't dare to turn my earring.
but the piercing thing is just an act to release some stress...
retain just retain...
i don't want ant re-test.
argh.

I want to thank sheryl.
thanks for letting me know you care.
i am feeling better now.
actually i thanked you in my previous post but i deleted it because i scolded too many people.
thanks =)
(xue ying thanks for deleting the post for me.)

tired... have been doing pw for the passed few days.
slept less than 8 hours for two days... =(
and i am only doing minor stuff.
have to clear away all my parts fast.
there is still I&R!!!
=(
and i have even read half of my book.
unhappy...

i am really looking forward to retaining.
really.
the more you think the better it feel and i am really scared of re-testing again.
i really feel that i am wasting my time on econs and physic i am like totally don't understand and contastly failing without knowing any reason...

if i re-test, i really feel that i will get the same results.
but as ling ling say... we must still work hard for our re-test or risk being kick out by the school.
the waiting thing is really terrible, i wonder if the authorities know that?
did they do it on purpose?
forcing people to lost all their confidence and leave on themselves?

forget it. i must start on my pw soon.
jie jie is lending laptop today. =)

i think it's just part of growing up...

today yu zhi is quite angry with me.
because i forget to bring her notes?
i think most probably is i totally give up the thoughts of promoting.

erm... it's like the probalility is not very high so i shouldn't put in too much hope too.
i really hope that rachel, chrystal and kai ling can promote.
i really do believe that they can!
then chrystal and ling ling can go indonesia together!

i guess the retaining thing just make you more anti-social
there is not much to talk about.
if you realise i don't like to talk about media stuff because it's really useless...

i have a lot of stuff in mind.
if i don't concentrate enough i really believe i will go psycho.

i actually rub until my face is damn pain and red in shopping center before when i saw my secondary school junior.
i am just like stress...

but now i am better=)
maybe after this i will feel better.
my ego will be lower and i work extra hard.

should i take H2 chinese lit?
someone help me...

going to school today...
not looking forward to it at all...

school just make very sad!
sick!
and i am already very sick physically..
why must i be torture mentally.

i love 17/08 girls
truely with my heart and soul
and i know you all care...
but everyone should face the fact that i am not going to promote no matter what...

even mr lau praised me for being realistic.
there is three options now.
if my luck is 100%
then there will be a re-test!
yeah!
then i must die die work damn hard and get myself promoted.

if my luck is 50% then i will retain.
then if 75% i will get a combination that i like.

if my luck is 15%
i will get kick out by the school
the reason i could think of is too attendence...

i must be clear and realistic if not i will go psycho really soon.

the thought of going to school and a lot of people asking about results and i must act like i am like normal people going to promote just make me very tired and sad.......
no wonder my period would never come.

I didn't feel anything when i was having injection.
Now it us very painful.

oh i decided to do the injection for period because i know it will never come.
i am more stress than before the examination period.

i am going to vietnam!
so exciting!
so when you don't really want to go you can go.
this is really true.

today is a happy day!
happy number one is the vietnam thing and parents allowed.
i am going to pay for my trip. =)

happy number two i saw xinpei.
it's great to have you.
you are always there for me.
thanks.

happy number three is mr lau.
i am so happy that he called!
he really do care for me.
thank you mr lau, i won't change my mind. =)
i will work hard!

happy number four i finished my script.
when xinpei is there, i will always finished my work.
haha!
i think she have some kind of magic.
i must possess this magic too!

happy number 5
kenny played with me today!
which is like so rare and the last time we play is like 4 months back?
when i still have my period. haha!
ok very disgusting.

must get some rest...
bye!

work hard work hard.
don't waste time don't waste time

always remember.
what if i start now...

Changed my blogskin, this really improve my mood.
I guess the previous not only scared people but is also very sad.

Initally, I was so unhappy that I wanted to locked myself in the room and rot again.
I slept in the room instead, not must different from rotting.
All the waiting turn me very unhappy, so unhappy that I started to feel that my personalities have become pessimistic too.
I guess when you don't know what, you don't have much aim and you have much to do in hand, your thoughts will run wild.
I thought of a lot of senarios, which is very ridiculous when i think back now.

The principal is just busy with the A level now and i just have to wait.
No matter what is the outcome, it's still the same, I have to work hard for my A level.
The difference is just that it is two or three years.
I have made up my mind and there is no time for me to waste and change my mind.

Maybe i shouldn't waste my time, start studying now and throw everything to cheryl and jing hui!

intially, i was really excited about posting this entry...
too my my papa just destroy my mood so this entry will be moddy too...
i am pissed with his way of expressing himself...
(not very but not slightly too)
you asked for help, mind you...
i don't have a very happy week, mind you...
i just don't want to show a black face everywhere.

why was i happy?
i was very excited with pw just a few second ago.
no longer am now.
not a tiny bit...
just tired and really unhappy...
why do you always come and spoil my mood then just leave.
you may not be happy too...
but do i have to with that?
i am very upset too.

don't just take away my 10% of happiness and turn me into 100% of unhappiness...
i think i will be immue to the waiting...
i really don't understand why the school have to do this?
to torture you soul?
so torturing of soul = testing of patience...
i am just tired...

thank you gan ma...
for staying at home so i can use yi jie's lap top and finish my pw.
(nearly finish)
i thought of doing it now...
but i am really sad...
don't worry, i will still do it and my work shall reflect a tingle of sadness.

i can't even remember the excitement in my body just now........
why?
thanks papa.

i remember that i want to promise to myself that i want to meet up with ling ling everyday in the morning.
although i am sad i will still try my best becasue i really like you ling ling =)
then i wanted to finish off the unfinished work of powerpoint slide quickly.
alright i must.
then do a little revision.

i still must!
becasue this is my life not his!
even if i retain 100 times i am the one who suffer no him!
so just ignore!
actually i don't really want to care in the first place...
i just hope to be nice...
since this is what i get...
what for?

forget it.

just do my own stuff and ignore everything else.
so sickening.
no wonder i never care in the past.

i guess many people want to know how i felt after the results are out.
yup.
i just flunk everything.
i must say it out and face it.
i failed my gp, chem, maths, econs and phy.
actually i should have expected it...

a lot of people talked to me...
i talked to a lot of people...
some people just speak their mind....
which is totally mean.
what can i do?
just bear with it.
these is what i deserve...

hopefully i have finally wake up with this setback...

the first thing i heard which i couldn't forget is what edmund had said.
"dou yi jing zhe yang le, xian zai emo you shen me yong?"
actually i'm happy that i cry...
i finally started to care about my life..
finally notice what is really important..
why did i cry? (which is your emo)
because i am sad...
i am not sad that i fail, i am very sad that i wasted one year of my life away.
one whole year... did anyone realise how long is that?
shouldn't i be sad that i wasted my life away?
now, i can't promote.
i am block from proceeding on with my life.
i must make another choice for my life.
shouldn't i be panic? be afraid? be sad? and cry?
at least i realise that study is really important.

ling ling what you had said will never be be forgotten.
"no matter what did you choose, do not waste another year"
i know.
life is too precios for me to continuously waste...
i won't waste it again...
i have made up my mind, at least i know where i wanna be in. =)

then what jay had said.
"teenager had a very weird thinking that 'i don't study but i am not going to fail, other people are going to fail.' "
this is me.
haha.
i mustn't think like that again.

what jie jie and mr lau said had let me made up my mind.
i am going to continue to stay in AJ (retain or retest)
reasons... only i have to know and remember them vivid.
because i want to go university with a safest route!

thanks to those who encourage. =)
17/08 girls.. i know you care =)
special thanks to yu zhi, sheryl and xinpei and tang jie...

those nan ting de hua i must learn to treat it as gu li.
no matter what there is still ling ling. =)
we will work hard together!!!
we mustn't waste time again!
jia you!

no matter retain or what i should start studying.
i am not afraid of retaining now.
it's just something to make you more prepared.

if there is retest i will definitely go for it and take h1 econs.
i will try my best with lingling.

if there isn't i will retain.
i will choose between art and science.
this i still have time to consider.
if my retest is still terrible i must bear to go to poly.

for now.
just work hard with ling ling!
we will support each other!!!
see you tomorrow=)

You walked with me,
Footprints in the sand,
And helped me understand,
Where I'm going,

You walked with me,
When I was all alone,
With so much unknown,
Along the way,
Then I heard you say,

I promise you,
I'm always there,
When your heart is filled with sorrow,
And despair, I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand

I see my life flash across the sky,
So many times have I been so afraid.
And just when I, I thought I lost my way,
You gave me strength to carry on,
That's when you say,

I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled
With sorrow and despair
Oh, I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand.

When I'm with you,
Well I know you've been there,
And I can feel you when you say,

I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled
With sadness and despair
I'll carry you when you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand.

When your heart is filled with
Sadness and despair,
I'll carry you when you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand.

read through the previos blog...
that one i say i am a bitch one...
erm...
i think i am very extreme....
maybe i should treat it as i am behaving a different side of me...

i less angry.. more well-tempered..
ya la..
i think this is the one i will be using in work in the fufure too.

i still don't like him
the one who i won't even look at his face after one month.
you just... think very lowly of me...
i must try harder to prove you wrong.

went to the doctor...
hahahahaha...
very ridiculous.
he asked if i'm pregnant...
then i just shake my head...
then he says he wanna inject me.
i just widen my eyes and look at him.
i say i'm going to wait.
my kor kor say my egg got problem
stupid idiot!

finally stop being angry=)


i miss you lots.

we went to watch house bunny!!!
so nice=)
the story is really sweet.
we are like talking talking.
then went to eat long john...
saw wan zhen, yan ting, yong soon, joy, xiu han, joshua, jeanie, jaslyn, joycelyn and beloved smart yu hui
so ya lot 1 is not place to create secrets (my eng is v weird)
haha

should i really stop being angry?
haha
they turn up because i threaten to kill them!
lol.

nerdy
haha!

i feel that i devoted myself to square stuff more than my friends and family.
square stuff = tv + com
cannot!
must spent time with my jie jie kor kor ah ma and mummy=)
i will try to bond with my papa...

i actually just totally ignore my friends..
don't reply messages.
it's such a bad thing to do!
cannot!
i think i will get back results tomorrow.
die.

thanks andrey.
for wishing me all the best.
saw him at plaza today.
all the best too!
yup he is the 4a andrey.

good friends willl always keep in touch and try to know their doings
i guess i'm not ba...

i'm always in contact with my secondary school friends through blog..
i will try to update more often=)

when you couldn't understand some of your friends blod does that mean we are not longer close?
like joey..
xy and the balloons..
maybe they won't even know i bad mouth them.
haha.

i promise i will treat my friends better=)
sheryl... depend on me a little more alright?
josh and ling ling eat cake on tues!
tj and xu should be going to shopping tml but i feel that it won't carry out.
xp.... wanting....
mun and joey who i don't even dare to contact...
sigh...
si fen wu lie friends=(

i must treat 1708 girls better=)

yeah!

jing hui always says that ling ling and i are very close
but does she know why we are close?
there is always a reason behind everything.

maybe those guys behave so weirdly for a certain reasons?
maybe i should be more forgiving?

haha.
if i forgive them, who forgive me?
i shouldn't be so forgive towards mean people.
because in their eyes i am mean too.
a bitch.
thus i must definitely behave like one.
a two faced plastic bitch.

tml when they see me i am that stupid, blur, act innocent, irritating, brainless, dumb and useless chen shuang!
yes!=)

jia you ba!
one more year of acting!!!
train my skill!
haha.

be brave girl!
believe in yourself.

i am very angry lately
unhappy with everything lately...

why???
why? why? why?

i really don't wanna care anymore!
i am going to write down all the names!!!

super angry number one.
i cannot believe it.
seriouly i know that xue wen treat me very cooly because it's damn obvious!!!
i just thought that he don't he don't really remember me.

FROM NOW ON I WILL TYPE OUT ALL THE REASONS FOR MY INTERPRETATIONS IF NOT PEOPLE WILL THINK THAT I AM TRYING TO ACT OR I AM DON'T HAVE BRAIN OR WORST STILL I FALL IN LOVE WITH THAT PERSON. PLEASE NOTICE THAT I DIDN'T PUT AGAIN BECAUSE I DIDN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH ANY DAMN PERSON AT THIS SCHOOL WITH DAMN LOT OF CHILDISH IDIOT MALES WHO THINK THAT THEY ARE DAMN PERFECT WITH IS 100% NOT THE CASE!!!

i can't believe it!
he is angry with me because HE (AND HIS GROUP OF FRIENDS) THINKS that i'm chasing after a volley ball guy, which is obviously jing yi.
hello since you are so smart and perfect please show me the evidence?
show me love letters, love emails, love sms.
SHOW ME THOSE THINGS THAT I HAVE NEVER DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

they are those people who started to play with this!
why is it me who is suffering from the bad name!
just because i choose to keep quiet and don't bad mouth people?
i don't like to spread rumors because i am not certain whether it's true.
since everyone is spreading so much, why don't i join in too.

according to my sources.
victor thinks that i liked him so jing yi claim that he liked me so that the situation would be very chaotic and (obviusly) fun.
but in the end it just turn UGLY....
i didn't even spread a single word ( i know this since before june holidays) , you peopel are spreading till now that i woo jing yi.
good.
it's just tit for tat.
now we don't owe each other.

super angry number 2
i really must work hard
face the actual fact that my results is damn bad and i'm like didn't gain any knowledge throughout this year.
i must work hard!
i cannot retain!
i don't want to do this jc thing again!
i don't want to stay in this school for another year!
i don't want to face those SO MANY people i dislike again.
(if you are think that there are many people who don't like me too, then you must be one of them.
this is extremely stupid because since you don't like me then you should just leave.)

if i cannot make it.
i will go for the retest.
i must make it.
MUST!
don't don't let me stay in this dreadful place again...
please...

one more month.
one more month
juist one more month.
i don't have to act blur that i didn't see your bloody expression.
those bloody expression that signal that i am brainless.
i don't have to be a plastic and act like i don't hate you.
i can write your name here and curse you as i like, just like those people above.

one month.
it's not long and i can definitely make it.

(i didn't write out the name is not fully because i'm a coward. this also shows that i have BRAIN. which half of the populations in some place think that i don't have. if i make everything so clear then who do i survive? i'm not eq0 alright? i still have some, unlike someone.)

at leasti don't think i am miss perfect.
i have never think that.
some people just feel that they are so perfect that other people are dirt...

super angry number 3
hello!
if you are a man then you shouldn't go back on your words.
now, i am really not stupid.
if you wanna make things terrible for me
i will return it 10 times bad
see who can get the oscar award.
whose acting skill is better
i will not just let you ruin my life so easily
let see who can twist out a more pitiful face.

yeah~ i feel so much better=)
go go go
just keep going and don't bother! =)

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WARNING
DO NOT TAG ON MY BOARD.
if you have notice it's very weird, i'm using it for other purposes so please please don't tag it.

i.....
(i stun at here for one minute, haha)
met someone...

an adult....
a guy la to be specific...
i am not trying to expose my social life...
i just want to unload something that is very heavy inside of me...

as usual...
i tell him straight away that i am not interested in relationship...
he is most realistic guy i have ever met! he immediately stop contacting.
then thick skinned me went to pester him... haha.
is it because he is very good looking? or i'm just desperate and lonely?
or am i just plainly bu fu qi that he ask me to introduce my friend to him??

i am really very pissed that he ask me to introduce my friends to him
when i say i'm not interested...
like.... argh...
and he is the second person!!!
do i look like cupid lately???!!!
if you're reading this please don't ask the girl whom rejected you to recommend her friends...
it's really a very bad feelings...

continue with my story...
then i want to si chan lan da to continue to chat with him.
so i tell him that he cannot blame me for being so frank i'm just trying to protect myself.
then i started saying things like...
what if he don't want me? (i am not pretty. not skinny. not curvy. not mature. not everything...)
and i just have a terrible relationship not long ago...
so i started to tell him all about my past relatio...
how i suffer with a bf who is working and my studies become terrible......
how i get cheated stupidly......

actually i'm very sad...
maybe the inside of me is always hurting me...
i just try to act like it doesn't...
try to act like i don't mind about that stupid realtionship!
TRY TO ACT LIKE I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT HE DO!
HOW HE IMMEDIATELY ASK ANOTHER GIRL OUT AFTER ME!!!!
HOW HE GO OUT OTHER GIRLS WHEN HE WAS WITH ME!!!!!

i am just useless..........................
stupid....................
thanks stranger for letting me see myself............................

i just always hide my unhappiness at one dark corner....
and try my best not care......................

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i wanna swim again.............................

i told some of my good friend that i have hao gan to a guy.
now, i don't think that hao gan is because i like him...
i think i just feel that he is a honest guy and would never cheat........
and i thought that feeling is like..........

maybe all my "i'm a lesbian" thing is just an act to mask the pathetic weak me.....

get over it soon!!!!!
there is still pw and my results is coming out!!!!

what should i do.........
so acutally i'm so proud that i always hide away weak side unconciously......
i am really hopeless..........
and until now i haven't get over with him!!!!!!!!!!!
is being xiao sa so hard???????????

I have been spending lot of money this week...
catch a movie with chrystal, cheryl (yup, i haven't introduce her. she is the latest cheryl i know! she is my good friend in ajc=) ) and yu zhi on monday.
( jing hui! we replace you! hahahaha!)
4 girls went to watch a romance movie together!
the whole theatre was filled with couples mostly.
the movie is very sweet.
although the plot has no link but they shot it in such a way that it will melt your hearts...

tuesday = super packed day..
went to school and didn't contribute much to my pw group..
sorry... i am not a very good leader...
(must try to be one!!!)
Then as planned from very long ago...
i went to meet up with ryl and ling ling at plaza...
super funny la.
i force them to do my storyboard for me. haha.
sorry la... i really can't draw...
we took some photos in the void deck...
(ling ling's recommendation)
it's fun=)
i love to be with you guys!!!

then i went to jj...
omg...
i really don't know how to go there...
keep getting lost...
go there with full aj uniform.
attract a lot of attention.... so dui lian...
thanks for making my day extremely colourful!
went to chrystal jade kitchen and catch eagle eye
(they pick this movie becasue i said that i preferred an action movie... thanks=) )

they cause me to start to ponder...
why would i leave jj???
because i don't cherish my newly made friends there?
og 21? yan bing? yi ling? wen jie? yan hua? and even shu wen...
or is my brain just dead at that period of time due to someone........
why am i so not close to them in the past????
i'm just bad right?????
my ogl, wei xin, wei ming, jowell and kyson...
i know you care about all of us... thank you so much....
kyson i hope you family problems will be resolved soon.
felicia, jamie, hao jie, kai yang, kang yi and even the newly met bryan (or brian)...
you are really very nice people...
i will cherish you all more!!!